If your child has used the word queer to describe themselves, you may have questions.

You may wonder:

• Is it the same as gay?
• Is it offensive?
• Why would someone choose that word?

We’re here to help you understand — without judgment, without jargon, and without pressure.

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Virtual meetings every 2nd Tuesday, 7–9pm

What Is the Definition of Queer?

The word queer is an umbrella term that some people use to describe sexual orientations or gender identities that are not heterosexual or not cisgender.

In simple terms:

Queer can mean “not straight,” “not exclusively straight,” or “not exclusively cisgender.”

It is flexible. It is inclusive. And for many people, it feels freeing.

Is Queer the Same as Gay?

No — but they can overlap.

• Gay usually refers specifically to someone who is attracted to people of the same gender.
• Queer can include gay people, but it may also include bisexual, pansexual, transgender, nonbinary, or questioning individuals.

Some people choose “queer” because:

• It feels broader.
• It reflects both gender and sexuality.
• They don’t feel that more specific labels fit them.
• They are still exploring.

Why Do Some People Use a Word That Was Once Offensive?

This is one of the most common parent questions.

Historically, “queer” was used as a slur.

Today, many LGBTQ+ people have reclaimed it as a word of pride and empowerment.

Reclaiming language can:

• Remove its power as a weapon.
• Transform it into a symbol of resilience.
• Build solidarity across identities.

However, not everyone feels comfortable using the word — and that’s okay too.

What matters most is respecting how your child identifies.

What Does It Mean to Identify as Queer?

For some people, identifying as queer means:

• “I know I’m not straight, but I don’t need a more specific label.”
• “My identity doesn’t fit neatly into traditional categories.”
• “My sexuality or gender feels fluid.”
• “I want a word that reflects both my gender and sexuality.”

For others, it simply feels right.

Identity language evolves. What stays constant is the need for love and support.

What If I Feel Uncomfortable With the Word?

It’s okay to have feelings about language.

Many parents grew up hearing “queer” used negatively. That history matters.

You can acknowledge your discomfort while still honoring your child’s identity.

A helpful starting point might be:

“I’m still learning, but I want to understand what this word means to you.”

Curiosity builds connection.

Why Understanding Matters — Especially Now

Across the country, LGBTQ+ people — including those who identify as queer — are facing increased political attacks and misinformation.

Words are being distorted. Identities are being debated.

In moments like these, family support becomes even more powerful.

When parents choose understanding over fear, they create safety that legislation cannot take away.

Here in the Bay Area, families are standing together — not backing down.

Join a Parent Support Group in San Francisco

You do not have to navigate this alone.

PFLAG San Francisco offers a confidential virtual support group for parents and caregivers every 2nd Tuesday of the month from 7–9pm.

Connect with other caregivers who are asking questions, sharing experiences, and learning how to show up for their children.

Join Our Support Group

Support Our Work

When you support PFLAG San Francisco, you help:

• Provide education to families
• Maintain safe spaces for parents
• Advocate for LGBTQ+ youth
• Strengthen our local community

Your support ensures no family has to figure this out alone.

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